How to ask for help. Seems simple enough, doesn't it? By its very definition, help means to make it easier for someone to do something by offering aid. We have all helped someone at some point in our lives. Most likely on a daily basis - for example I ask my husband sometimes to get me a drink from the basement, that's technically asking for help. I know that I personally love helping in any way that I can. I will run errands for people, babysit, pick someone up from the bar when they can't get a cab. I don't ever expect anything in return, I never say "you owe me", I just like feeling useful. I imagine a lot of people feel that way.

All of the books, blogs, pamphlets etc. that I have read since my diagnoses say the same thing - ask for help when you need it. Your recovery from surgery will be easier if you have help. Your path through treatment will be smooth if you ask for help. They even tell you to set up a chore schedule and meal schedule with your friends so that you always have someone coming by. Seriously? Sure, I would love it if someone wanted to come vacuum for me, or clean my bathroom (I hate doing that), or bring me a vat of soup, but i don't want it scheduled and certainly don't want people to feel like they have to do something! Since I recently decided to hire cleaners - we don't need the added stress of keeping the house spic and span in our lives - I think that side of things will get easier. They came today for the first time, which is what inspired this post. ( Side note - holy crap my house is clean! ) On the food side, I would much rather someone pop by with a cupcake or a treat and spend some time chatting. That's the kind of help I need - to feel like I'm still somewhat normal. Yes, my normal has changed, but I still love the same things as I did before all of this started.

So given how we feel when we selflessly offer help to someone, why do we feel so bad about needing to ask for help? I think it's a fear of rejection, or the fear of seeming weak, especially to people who know you as the complete opposite. That's the problem with being known as the strong one, or the independent one, or the tough one. Everyone knows you can win the battle, but everyone also assumes you can handle it. There's a big difference between fighting it and handling it. I'm definitely stubborn - just ask my mom, she would probably tell you any number of stories from when I was a kid. Like the time I was two years old and stubbornly didn't want to go down for a nap, clearly I was too old for naps, so my mom gave in but a short time later she found me passed out in the middle of the hallway. I just look at it as freedom of choice. Haha. It's that stubbornness that is helping me get through this. But that same stubbornness makes me not want to ask for help. So one piece of advice I can offer all of you if you have friends or family going through a difficult time - be annoying with your offers, and be specific with your offers. I'm so lucky to have the amazing support system that I have, and also lucky that I am physically handling things so well, so I honestly (seriously) don't need a lot of help. So thank you to all my friends and family.